Pursue goals..

Time flies..this is the last week of work..I wondering how am I feeling now..I guess I wont know it as it is of mixed feeling..so excited?..I just wish 2 take a short break n find a new job..
Working in PH mm..can be unhappy but I believe I gain some experiences and get 2 know how to handle certain pple..sometime we just have to move on & stop thinking abt the past..whatever that happens will be the past once I step out of the company..not much of a nice memory..maybe some frenzs which I know ..not so bad..we have each other's contact no..I hope we can keep in touch..

I wish to go n pursue my goals slowly when I am still young..I take a step at a time..some things cant be rushed..it makes things worse.so I am going 2 aim for wat I want..just hope everything is fine..I believe the decision I make regarding resigning wont be wrong..I wish that I can do wat I like n achieve wat I want so I wont regret for the rest of my life..

Of course hope me & Him be fine with each other's company..hope we can understand n love each other more..

May God bless us..I believe he did..thx Father Lord..

A bit fed up

Well..I didnt blog for abt a week..now just update a bit..new staff is here for 3 days and I was supppose to train her..haiz..headache..Mei Yue never care much..some "interesting" things happen..I dun wish to mention them again..maybe it is just a small matter..but it makes me vomit blood..I will just try my best coz I will be leaving soon..1 more week..I wont feel sad or wat..I just feel happy 2 start a new job agan..leave unhappy memories behind..I wasnt that happy over there..I really wish I can find a place where I will be happy working in and a conducive place..

Maybe this place suit the new staff..hhaa wat a trap..Edmund clever 2 say I going to study..since when? this is an excuse..I believe this is wat he says to Mei Yue 2 when the gals want to resign..
hope everything turns out fine..

I end here..dunno wat else to blog..

God's Child

I am back blogging..just come back from church..I was surprised..I accept Jesus..so sudden today..I didnt expect it..I didnt let parents n him know yet..wait til the time is right ya..I guess I will be still me..maybe a better me..ya..
Let me talk abt 1 night cruise trip last sat..well it turned out alright..It is a bit bored though..nothing much..took some pics here n there..ya going develop them..we just have food..explore around, take a look at casino, karaoke lounge to sing songs during midnight hee..have to order drinks though to be able to sing.. I have fun but abit short..it close at 3am..ok la have a gathering with the rest is gd..I leaving the place soon anyway..treat it as a gathering lor..

I think I end here..go n do other stuff..

Company Trip

I am back 2 blog..mm..this few weeks quite occupied on weekend..I just went to 1 night cruise trip with my colleagues on sat..it is gd 2 get together n relax..but quite boring..Star Libra have limited facilities..maybe it is smaller that why..with 9 decks.. :)
I love 2 sing at the lounge.Sam, Elsie, Celina, Me, Min Li, Mei Yue went to sing during 2am hhaa..too bad they close at 3am if not we sing til the sun rise hhaa..We ordered drinks n we can sing lor..

I guess most enjoyable is food ba hhaa..too many 2 choose from so I didnt eat much though..eat til scare.coz we have dinner and we have supper during midnight..u can see everyone is awake still eating lor..hehe Owl wor..this is night life ..yeah..
We should enjoy while we go on trip yeah..not slp in our room hhaa
Mei Yue, Min Li & I share a room while Elise ,Sharon,Andrew etc they all stay next door to door..It is convenience lor to find them..
I will go n develop photos n let colleagues see & choose.. try to get it done soon..yeah..

I guess that's abt all..I dun want to be so longwinded and talk abt it that much..countind down..so end here..

Well Today I feel alright compared to sunday & yesterday..I was really tired on sunday n yesterday..We have a small sec sch gathering at Island resort on sat night..stay over night til sunday..I feel that it wasnt that nice n enjoyable..quite boring..but one thing for sure..sun rise is so beautiful..4 of us, Ker Hisen, Boom Tom , Pei fen & I went to watch sun rise at the jetty..we cycled there in the morning..Boom Tom ride two seat bicycle..I didnt sleep much on sat night..cant get to sleep..chat instead ..slept 1 hr only..haha..

I can see that everyone is so tired and half dead on sunday morning hee...We didnt sleep much the whole night wat..is normal..
This is the lst time I stay overnight..the feeling is gd..to see all my frenzs together..although a small group..not so bad..coz u get to know others better..even though never talk much last time,we will talk already..that is gd..a pity I forget to bring camera 2 the jetty..i left it at the chalet :p anyway I "gain" something ar ..injure my knee.lol..nvm small matter

End here ba..I do my work le..I guess we have another gathering when free..not chalet or bbq le..troublesome..no one ate the food..so sad..

Moody..stress

I dunno why..I just face problems..work n him..make me even more stress..I know I need him at times..when I am down n even when I am happy..but I dun get to meet him ba..he is busy with NDP rehearsal..I am stress..cant u understand..work load so much..u cant comfortable me ar? haiz..I feel like crying at times..too stress til I want to cry..stress then u still treat me coldly at times..dunno wat u doing..maybe I think 2 much? dun want to think le..no mood 2 work sia..thinking of chalet stuff..not that sure how to go..I have bad sense of direction u see..later get lost haaa..jia lat one hor..want to enjoy also have so much problem..staying overnight tml yeah..

I go n do my work ba..end here..I hope I feel better..just blog a bit..looking 4 new job..have job offer but rejected.I want a better environment..I jia you lor..may god bless me.. :)
yeah just relax tml..dun wish 2 think so much..

Worry freak?

I dunno..I feel that our atttiude towards each other changed since so many things happen..maybe dun wish to put in so much hope n effort ba? plus he is quite busy recently..outfield..NDP stuff..he said he dun have much time for me this year..I feel that we can plan de lor..so he say see when free then meet lor. Y he gives such attitude? I guess we need our free space also ..But I dun wish that becoz of that we drift apart, it will be bad..

Recently we quarrel..easy to argue....sigh..temper getting worse..but yesterday's msg was sweet and make me feel secure n happy ba..He meant wat he says? so I am still very impt? He needs to spend time with his frenzs..I understand de..but I guess wont meet for 2-3 weeks..I didnt really tried b4..gonna miss him..sigh..I just find my own programs lor..go church service etc..We need some space yeah..

I not going acc him next week ba coz I dun want to go to his place so often..not gd..u get what I mean? I dun like..he needs rest also..and he says he go church with me..but end up he doesnt want to go..hhaa coz I didnt go n find him?
I just explain how I feel..I really hope he understands..I am a gal..I have my fear also..We r old enough to know wat is right or wrong..but sometime it can be a rash action etc..not that gd u see..

Somehow feel jealous coz I know he meeting a bunch of gals or two gals probably on sat..I guess is normal although I know they r just his frenzs..He said I can join him if I want..I wont want 2 spoil his fun plus I will get jealous lor if they talk n neglect me..hhaa so easily jealous?? is normal wat..I am still alright since I know them..is alright to meet but better dun lie to me lor..trust is very impt..

End here..

Farewell Mr Mike Ho..

Recently..many things happen..sian..We just heard a recent news..that Our sec sch ex physics teacher, Mr Mike Ho CK passed away on sat..is really sad to know it.He is still so young..age of 38..

I remembered Mr Ho as a nice n very patient teacher whereby he will explain things til u understand..although we used to be noisy in class..he was patient..classmates dun appreciate wat he did..but I know some did..We didnt see him for a few years..and didnt know the last time we get to see him is at his wake on mon..this news is really shocking..I heard it from Wei Ling..she msg me..

He is my form teacher when I was in 4N2 which is in Year 2002.Mr Ho looks skinny le..sigh..he is a nice teacher..why he have to die so early..but I guess is better for him now as he went home with the lord..with no suffering n pain..I hope he is happier..in heaven..I believe Jesus will take him with him.. :) rest in peace Mr Ho..I believe u will be glad to know that ur ex students are doing fine..aint u?

We saw our teacher..Mr Devan..he is doing fine..happily married with Ms Cheok..I know he is sad coz Mr Ho & him is like buddies..start to teach together..go out have fun also..even be his best groom when he get married in year 2004..
I am glad we have the chance to pray our last respect..even though he may forget us? I guess he wont.. May god bless of us n Mr Ho..

End here..

What u want?

Seriously I just wish we ignore each other and that's it la.why u bother to call me? luckily my hp is off coz of low batt..I didnt even hear the voice mail til this morning lol..that will make u give up? I thought is Lai Mei..pastor's sis..so I didnt bother..didnt know is u..

I dunno wat else we can say..everything is ruined til like that & I heard some things abt u ,but dunno whether to believe wat I heard..i am in doubt..maybe I see it then I will believe..I know I try hard to forget u..but I didnt although I didnt call u or msg u anymore..u just come to my mind..but wat to do..I cant care so much..I worry alot whenever I am with a person..how I know wat ur motive? dangerous..

Right now I have my bf..I dun wish to think abt other stuff but build up our relationship..sometime I am in doubt as whether single is gd..maybe it is..so I wont get entangled in such stuff..sian..tired u know that..tired whereby the matter doesnt end..he doesnt give up..haiz..do I have to hear wat he has to say? haha MY is right..wait for him to call instead of calling him..here he is calling me le..but I didnt on hp..too bad..I dun think I wish to hear from him anymore..dun want to hear craps.dun make me put in hope la..I very scare it is a trap..so I keep pulling myself away..if he isnt single, I get myself into trouble lor..

End here..

I feel better

I really feel better today..I am on mc today..too tired physically n mentally last night..just went to see doc n rest..yawn.. well maybe we said we wont contact but he really not that heartless..to see me unhappy..still cares for me..I know him..guys can say they wont do that etc..if they r really heartless like someone..maybe I am to blame.I am heartless to him lst..haha..he wont care..

We still keep in touch..kind of chat alot today..msg alot..mm..nan de..for the past few days maybe too sad..we didnt contact much although somehow msg him n saw him online..just dunno wat to say..now just talk like normal lor..
I just feel that God maybe blessing me..to let us talk again..we r frenzs..still care for each other..is normal..I feel that sometime maybe is hard to be frenzs..but there are pple who will do so..just that maybe we cant care so much like we used to be?

It is a matter of time to forget everything..said is easier than done..I will try..try to forget that someone..better not to see him..and better that he dun give me any hope so I can forget him.. just that the more u want to avoid the more u get to meet the person? I saw him at the main door of our company..face to face..I pick up the internal call.is from him..I still see him in the office.is this coincidence? I dunno ..wat to do have to work what..dun want 2 think so much..

I want to pursue my career and studies...bgr is not impt anymore to me & Vin..we lead our own life..relaxed lor..I believe if we r fated, maybe we may be together again..I feel is hard as the pain is so much that he wont want romance..he is silly but I know I am lucky..thx god 4 giving me this bf..maybe we just not fated..

I really feel I am very blessed in life...to have a family ..with my doting mum..really thx my mum for all her care & Concern all this years..although I can be stubborn, talk back at times..and even not spending much time with her..I try to spend more time with her already..She really a lovely mum..if there is a next life.. will be glad to be her daughter again..really thx god for letting me meet my 3 best frenzs..Amelia, Shi Hui & Wei Ling..who are always there whenever I need them..to talk etc..they will be willing 2 listen..I love u guys..

Thanks Vin too..for always being there when I need him..even up to now he still cares for me..such a guy hard to find but maybe not fated..I am not so worth for u to be so gd to me ..I can say u really treat me well..although I am hot tempered at times..we compromise even if we quarrel..not really a big quarrel..we just give n take..either one person apologise and we are fine.I cant deny being happy with u for the past two years..been through a lot n u never leave me..I can only say I feel sorry that I am unfair to u..but u never blame me..thanks for it..

U guys must be thinking wat wrong with me..talk abt all this..I just have this thoughts and want to express how I feel that all..coz life is unpredictable..no one knows when we will leave this world..haha my mum just feel that my thinking quite weird since I went to church service..I change? nope ..I think abt all this all the while..from wat I see..and hear..I just learn to cherish life..but maybe I never cherish relationship..

end here..

Carefree life..

I dunno should I say I am really carefree now and I should feel happy..somehow not that happy..I guess I need to take some time 2 adapt..after all I am so used to being attached..is the end between us..I just let it be.I believe in fate..maybe this path is the best for me..I dun have this kind of life for so long..I want to take a break and concentrate on my work..I want to get a gd career..it takes time and I am still looking 4 it..

Frankly speaking, I guess this is the best way..we can lead our own life.do wat we want without restriction..I love that..I believe that every relationship make us grow up..and learn more things..as long as we dun make stupid mistakes..love cant be forced..

I choose this path..but wat to do..I already choose, cannot regret and then u ignore me..what can I do..I just hope u let me give up totally ..dun call or msg me anymore 2 give me hope if u dun even bother already.. so I can forget u and continue my life..I know is hard..I dun want to bluff myself..I just fall in the well..trying to pull myself out..u know that kind of feeling? then wat abt u ? U like me? I find it hard to ans..u ignore me coz of what? I still get to see u..although u say u dun come up 2 office..haha.. :P u only tolerate 4 two weeks..I know u cant do it la..

Guys r like that..seriously I dunno whether u really like me..I give up coz u dun want to ans my call..b4 that u still msg 2 ask if I call u..I dunno for what..end up I didnt call..I am angry, dunno wat u want to say n afraid I will scold u instead..I already tell u how I feel..is up to u to care or dun care..I dun mind le ..wat can I do..I choose the path le..better for me..leave it to fate..tml is his birthday..but haha he has frenzs to help him celebrate de ba..I dun have to worry..

I just know like someone is so xin ku..I will try to forget u de..slowly ..if we are destined to be together, we will be together de..that is wat I can say..sometime hard to know if a person is playing with u..u have to see 4 urself..

End here..



End here ba..

What's wrong?

I dunno wat I thinking..I just know that my mood is ok today til we talk abt an issue.. sigh..wat is there a big fuss abt it that we can feel unhappy? small matter only..maybe he is stress up & unhappy..small little things he can get fed up..doesnt mean u r not impt to me..u can join me but I know u dun like so I never force u..is it really difficult to compromise..not just god.u, family n frenzs r impt too..

maybe u dun understand how I feel..I know u want me to acc u..I never say I wont pei ni wat..that u claim the time is short..sigh..compromise lor..go on alt sat..wat 2 do..relationship is a give n take one..but I believe u love me, u respect wat I did right? now u know how i feel when u put work at the very lst priority that u almost neglect me..I really not happy..is the same thing..now u know..

I feel this is only a small matter..wat u concern actually isnt this..is more than that..I know u..I been together with u..I know how u feel..but sometime is also hard to know wat guys r thinking..
what to do..sigh..

end here..

Still cant forget..

I dun want to think abt u..but u keep coming 2 my mind..is unfair..I feel alright..til I saw u drive past me today..u act as if u never see me I guess..I dun want de..but I just happen to see u..sian..I rather I dun see u ba..then I wont feel sad..I dunno why I hope to see u..but when I see u.I feel sad..I am just reminded of wat happen..I cannot forget!!! I am that kind who can remember things de for so very long or even cant forget..like I saw Hang ten..I am reminded of stuff..so hurt n sad abt wat I did..haiz..but now dun really think of it..

Nvm I need time..and perhaps u or I leave the company ,it will be fine..slowly fade..better? I just want to enjoy myself today and feel happy that I have my dear beside me..dote n love me no matter wat happen.I am unfair to him..I will treat him even better..coz I know I love him..just that I cant get over wat happen..sigh..I really need time..time can heal everything ba..

End here..

Mon Blues..

Today just feel sian..dun feel like doing any work but have to work..so I just do my work seriously..maybe I think alot..still reminded of him..wat to do..unless I leave this company..still wonder why is he not here..lol..silly hor? I shouldnt do that..I stopping myself le from contacting him..coz he already told me not to ...I know..like that we can forget each other ? u really want to do that?

I still treat u as frenz wat..dun have to do til like that ba..now building my relationship..we need some time..I already get back those feeling together..but hope it will be even better..hope everything turns out fine..I am bad..can do this and yet he forgives me..sigh..I am unfair hor..I hope this is the last time..we cant take it if there is another such test..sigh..maybe is all fated..if there r problems, end up we r still together..maybe is fate..I dunno still early to tell? who knows wat happen..I just hope we two can have a gd relationship n walk on til old..but right now I dun want to think abt that.career is impt to me lst..then studies..earn money first..if not cant even think of other stuff..

End here..

Settled & hope things turn out fine

Everything is back to normal..and Dear told me how he feels..our ship is nearly sinking again..but right now we trying to save it again..hopefully I will be fair..he told me if I think he not the ideal guy, tell him earlier..I believe he is..just that I am so soft hearted..Sorry dear for hurting u ..haiz I am a bad gal..

Father lord, I really hope n pray that my heart wont waver and that we r happy together..he is gd to me n dote me..if I give him up, I am really a fool..maybe my guy is just right beside me..I dunno how to cherish..hurt him..r u telling me he is the one?? although some things I cant accept..but no one is perfect..I know that..
I just wish to have someone who love me truely n dote me n my family..to be able to share my burden..regardless of happiness or saddness..have a flat..help me in housework, down to earth..did I ask alot?

I get back the feeling yesterday..have fun n of course really a bit down yesterday til a very big extreme..that I dun want 2 mention anymore..

I went to sentosa with dear..took cable car..the feeling is gd..took some pics at vivo n sentosa..rainy day wor..we went to pasta mania n have dinner..hhee..he treat me lunch so I treat him for dinner..:) been spending quite alot of money this week..have to save a little..
anyway life is to enjoy at times..I mean cannot be spendthrift but then sometime I want to enjoy life..a little..like drinking or having some food that I like..after all we work so hard..agree?

Right now we just see if we can stable our relationship after he ord..and I get other job n studied..this is a test for us..that this is a test..if we can get through..mm..more or less know we can settle down..soon..

Now I just wish to work hard and get a better job..career is impt..no career,other things we can lay aside lor..end here..

Just want to be alone..

I dunno ..I feel miserable ba..I feel unhappy although things r settled..Sorry D..I hurt u..wat I said also no use..nothing is fair in this world..u have to forget me..I know I have a bit feeling for u.I just dun dare to face it..I fear for the future..I feel that i dun suit u really..sorry being unfair..I am afraid I love u temp. or wat..is unfair to u..so I rather never start ba..sorry..I really dunno how to face u when I see u..I know wo zai hu ni..yet I stop myself from falling in..haiz..why? love is so complicated..

I just cant overcome this..it making me collasping..maybe u guys will say I stupid n silly..my mind n body really tired..give me a break can? I know dear u r beside me..sometime I also need to take a break..know u understand n wont disturb me..I just want 2 be alone now..I really dun feel happy this two months..D u think is ur fault..is not.dun blame urself..if u didnt ask..others may ask..still the same.. I just hope u can find ur ideal gal.and settle down..u r not young le..

End here..may god bless u..I believe he will..wish u happiness..

What I want?

Frenz say me is true..I really dunno what I want..or maybe I know what I want but I am afraid to face it..so never make empty promise..i cant say I dun feel happy with u..is that my heart just waiver..why is that so? I dun dare to face how I feel..I can say is my problem..even if he doesnt appear..there may be problems..I guess is all my fault..
Maybe I should just be left alone..better for me? choose wat I want? then end up cannot find then forget it lor..single..is that what I want? I dun want to hurt u two..

Seriously y I worry abt u not coming to work? I cant figure out how I feel towards u..is it like? I just feel so comfortable talking to u n going out with u..I dun feel any stress..but recently talk to u..I guess we r giving each other attitude le..why is that so? then u can feel I am a bad person..I worry when u didnt on ur hp..or ans the call..I scare something happen to u..coz I care right? I dun have to do that right? but why? frenz dun do that..I am doing more than that le..

I dun want to regret wat decision I make..frankly speaking Dear I know u r gd to me since we r together for so long..maybe I demand too much..that I go out with u..I tend to be unhappy when I dun wish to..how come? I mean when there isnt some romantic stuff but u r true to me..u love me for who I am..u forgive me for what I do..if is me, will I do the same? this is a gd question..

I also dun dare to get into a new relationship although I do say I did like u a little..but wat kind of like is that? end up I find u not suitable..break with u no point lor..I dun have the confidence..beside there is alot to consider..why must I think so much..like pple will say just do what u think is right..I dunno u well..maybe I doesnt suit u..i think u forget me ba..

Frankly speaking if I knew this will happen again..coz no sparks etc..i shouldnt patch back with u..then we can have our own life.isnt it better? maybe u can find someone whom u truely love n she truely love u..I am being unfair to u..maybe I haven find the one who will let my heart stay firm..still young so I tend to choose..
Is my expectation too high?

End here..

I really dunno what's wrong with u..sometime u will ans call, sometime u wont..then u claim u r slping..really? then when u call me I must ans? not fair leh..maybe we r just denying how we feel..I just dun dare to face it..I know is unfair..then I react in that kind of tone last night coz I care n worried ..I know ur gum hurts so ur mood isnt that gd..I cant help caring for u & I am worried which makes me worry why..I can bluff others but not myself..I know how I feel..is just that I dunno how to face it..so I just let it be..

I dun want to hurt u or others..I been bluffing myself..bluff myself that I treat u as frenz..but the concern between us seem more than that..is unfair to him..but I really dun care so much abt him..which is bad..my heart isnt firm after all..I scare I hurt u also..I think alot..worry this n that..so I just let nature takes its course..

I been thinking u claim that u dun have gf.really or not? I just want to take a step at a time , be ur frenz n go out have fun..know each other better then come n say lor..
u ask me if I mind the age gap..frankly speaking I do mind but sometime certain things when u r in it..u wont mind anymore..
I wonder if u r serious with me..is comfortable to talk to u..and shop around..can u tell me how u feel towards me?

End here..

Moody..

Seriously I am quiet today..maybe abit siao siao also..but deep in my heart, I dun feel happy..I guess I think 2 much..sorry I have to make u disappointed coz is really not the right time nor right way to agree..I know I feel bad and I cant hide my feeling that I admire u a little..but then maybe it isnt that much like what I think..I worried abt u, I care for u..

I dunno why..but right now..I have him le..so I wont want to think so much..so I clarify le last night and let nature takes its course lor..dun want to create misunderstanding n trouble which will make us miserable..

I dun mind being ur friend..nice to chat with..dunno why we just can click.let's take a step at a time..just be friends ba...I wont want to think so much....I mean u want to know it so fast..so sudden but I answered u..haiz...wat to do..I dun want to bluff myself n u..frankly speaking I have been trying 2 bluff myself..but I know myself..
Making myself unhappy etc when I think too much..haiz..

Dear I just thought of u so I got my answer..end here..

Confused

I dunno why..some pple tend 2 be playing or serious? I dunno..just find them fan at times.be friends is aright..seriously I dun mind going out together as a group..not more than that..I am not that gd as u guys might think..I have temper etc..right now I have him, is gd enough..I dun want to think abt what happen in the past & hope it wont repeat..my dear friends who r reading this..u know , I know wat I talking abt..

haiz..sometime it just comes..dunno why..I not showing off..just writing down my thoughts..out of a sudden They want to take my hp no.. dunno what they up to..so weird..I mean for so long then they take..I dun mind exchanging no. but dun disturb me will be gd enough..I just feel confused and pai seh when I see them..dunno how to face them..I just pretend to be normal but I know I am not..maybe I think 2 much? but from what I see, I feel that it isn't so simple..

End here..