What u want?

Seriously I just wish we ignore each other and that's it la.why u bother to call me? luckily my hp is off coz of low batt..I didnt even hear the voice mail til this morning lol..that will make u give up? I thought is Lai Mei..pastor's sis..so I didnt bother..didnt know is u..

I dunno wat else we can say..everything is ruined til like that & I heard some things abt u ,but dunno whether to believe wat I heard..i am in doubt..maybe I see it then I will believe..I know I try hard to forget u..but I didnt although I didnt call u or msg u anymore..u just come to my mind..but wat to do..I cant care so much..I worry alot whenever I am with a person..how I know wat ur motive? dangerous..

Right now I have my bf..I dun wish to think abt other stuff but build up our relationship..sometime I am in doubt as whether single is gd..maybe it is..so I wont get entangled in such stuff..sian..tired u know that..tired whereby the matter doesnt end..he doesnt give up..haiz..do I have to hear wat he has to say? haha MY is right..wait for him to call instead of calling him..here he is calling me le..but I didnt on hp..too bad..I dun think I wish to hear from him anymore..dun want to hear craps.dun make me put in hope la..I very scare it is a trap..so I keep pulling myself away..if he isnt single, I get myself into trouble lor..

End here..

I feel better

I really feel better today..I am on mc today..too tired physically n mentally last night..just went to see doc n rest..yawn.. well maybe we said we wont contact but he really not that heartless..to see me unhappy..still cares for me..I know him..guys can say they wont do that etc..if they r really heartless like someone..maybe I am to blame.I am heartless to him lst..haha..he wont care..

We still keep in touch..kind of chat alot today..msg alot..mm..nan de..for the past few days maybe too sad..we didnt contact much although somehow msg him n saw him online..just dunno wat to say..now just talk like normal lor..
I just feel that God maybe blessing me..to let us talk again..we r frenzs..still care for each other..is normal..I feel that sometime maybe is hard to be frenzs..but there are pple who will do so..just that maybe we cant care so much like we used to be?

It is a matter of time to forget everything..said is easier than done..I will try..try to forget that someone..better not to see him..and better that he dun give me any hope so I can forget him.. just that the more u want to avoid the more u get to meet the person? I saw him at the main door of our company..face to face..I pick up the internal call.is from him..I still see him in the office.is this coincidence? I dunno ..wat to do have to work what..dun want 2 think so much..

I want to pursue my career and studies...bgr is not impt anymore to me & Vin..we lead our own life..relaxed lor..I believe if we r fated, maybe we may be together again..I feel is hard as the pain is so much that he wont want romance..he is silly but I know I am lucky..thx god 4 giving me this bf..maybe we just not fated..

I really feel I am very blessed in life...to have a family ..with my doting mum..really thx my mum for all her care & Concern all this years..although I can be stubborn, talk back at times..and even not spending much time with her..I try to spend more time with her already..She really a lovely mum..if there is a next life.. will be glad to be her daughter again..really thx god for letting me meet my 3 best frenzs..Amelia, Shi Hui & Wei Ling..who are always there whenever I need them..to talk etc..they will be willing 2 listen..I love u guys..

Thanks Vin too..for always being there when I need him..even up to now he still cares for me..such a guy hard to find but maybe not fated..I am not so worth for u to be so gd to me ..I can say u really treat me well..although I am hot tempered at times..we compromise even if we quarrel..not really a big quarrel..we just give n take..either one person apologise and we are fine.I cant deny being happy with u for the past two years..been through a lot n u never leave me..I can only say I feel sorry that I am unfair to u..but u never blame me..thanks for it..

U guys must be thinking wat wrong with me..talk abt all this..I just have this thoughts and want to express how I feel that all..coz life is unpredictable..no one knows when we will leave this world..haha my mum just feel that my thinking quite weird since I went to church service..I change? nope ..I think abt all this all the while..from wat I see..and hear..I just learn to cherish life..but maybe I never cherish relationship..

end here..

Carefree life..

I dunno should I say I am really carefree now and I should feel happy..somehow not that happy..I guess I need to take some time 2 adapt..after all I am so used to being attached..is the end between us..I just let it be.I believe in fate..maybe this path is the best for me..I dun have this kind of life for so long..I want to take a break and concentrate on my work..I want to get a gd career..it takes time and I am still looking 4 it..

Frankly speaking, I guess this is the best way..we can lead our own life.do wat we want without restriction..I love that..I believe that every relationship make us grow up..and learn more things..as long as we dun make stupid mistakes..love cant be forced..

I choose this path..but wat to do..I already choose, cannot regret and then u ignore me..what can I do..I just hope u let me give up totally ..dun call or msg me anymore 2 give me hope if u dun even bother already.. so I can forget u and continue my life..I know is hard..I dun want to bluff myself..I just fall in the well..trying to pull myself out..u know that kind of feeling? then wat abt u ? U like me? I find it hard to ans..u ignore me coz of what? I still get to see u..although u say u dun come up 2 office..haha.. :P u only tolerate 4 two weeks..I know u cant do it la..

Guys r like that..seriously I dunno whether u really like me..I give up coz u dun want to ans my call..b4 that u still msg 2 ask if I call u..I dunno for what..end up I didnt call..I am angry, dunno wat u want to say n afraid I will scold u instead..I already tell u how I feel..is up to u to care or dun care..I dun mind le ..wat can I do..I choose the path le..better for me..leave it to fate..tml is his birthday..but haha he has frenzs to help him celebrate de ba..I dun have to worry..

I just know like someone is so xin ku..I will try to forget u de..slowly ..if we are destined to be together, we will be together de..that is wat I can say..sometime hard to know if a person is playing with u..u have to see 4 urself..

End here..



End here ba..

What's wrong?

I dunno wat I thinking..I just know that my mood is ok today til we talk abt an issue.. sigh..wat is there a big fuss abt it that we can feel unhappy? small matter only..maybe he is stress up & unhappy..small little things he can get fed up..doesnt mean u r not impt to me..u can join me but I know u dun like so I never force u..is it really difficult to compromise..not just god.u, family n frenzs r impt too..

maybe u dun understand how I feel..I know u want me to acc u..I never say I wont pei ni wat..that u claim the time is short..sigh..compromise lor..go on alt sat..wat 2 do..relationship is a give n take one..but I believe u love me, u respect wat I did right? now u know how i feel when u put work at the very lst priority that u almost neglect me..I really not happy..is the same thing..now u know..

I feel this is only a small matter..wat u concern actually isnt this..is more than that..I know u..I been together with u..I know how u feel..but sometime is also hard to know wat guys r thinking..
what to do..sigh..

end here..

Still cant forget..

I dun want to think abt u..but u keep coming 2 my mind..is unfair..I feel alright..til I saw u drive past me today..u act as if u never see me I guess..I dun want de..but I just happen to see u..sian..I rather I dun see u ba..then I wont feel sad..I dunno why I hope to see u..but when I see u.I feel sad..I am just reminded of wat happen..I cannot forget!!! I am that kind who can remember things de for so very long or even cant forget..like I saw Hang ten..I am reminded of stuff..so hurt n sad abt wat I did..haiz..but now dun really think of it..

Nvm I need time..and perhaps u or I leave the company ,it will be fine..slowly fade..better? I just want to enjoy myself today and feel happy that I have my dear beside me..dote n love me no matter wat happen.I am unfair to him..I will treat him even better..coz I know I love him..just that I cant get over wat happen..sigh..I really need time..time can heal everything ba..

End here..

Mon Blues..

Today just feel sian..dun feel like doing any work but have to work..so I just do my work seriously..maybe I think alot..still reminded of him..wat to do..unless I leave this company..still wonder why is he not here..lol..silly hor? I shouldnt do that..I stopping myself le from contacting him..coz he already told me not to ...I know..like that we can forget each other ? u really want to do that?

I still treat u as frenz wat..dun have to do til like that ba..now building my relationship..we need some time..I already get back those feeling together..but hope it will be even better..hope everything turns out fine..I am bad..can do this and yet he forgives me..sigh..I am unfair hor..I hope this is the last time..we cant take it if there is another such test..sigh..maybe is all fated..if there r problems, end up we r still together..maybe is fate..I dunno still early to tell? who knows wat happen..I just hope we two can have a gd relationship n walk on til old..but right now I dun want to think abt that.career is impt to me lst..then studies..earn money first..if not cant even think of other stuff..

End here..

Settled & hope things turn out fine

Everything is back to normal..and Dear told me how he feels..our ship is nearly sinking again..but right now we trying to save it again..hopefully I will be fair..he told me if I think he not the ideal guy, tell him earlier..I believe he is..just that I am so soft hearted..Sorry dear for hurting u ..haiz I am a bad gal..

Father lord, I really hope n pray that my heart wont waver and that we r happy together..he is gd to me n dote me..if I give him up, I am really a fool..maybe my guy is just right beside me..I dunno how to cherish..hurt him..r u telling me he is the one?? although some things I cant accept..but no one is perfect..I know that..
I just wish to have someone who love me truely n dote me n my family..to be able to share my burden..regardless of happiness or saddness..have a flat..help me in housework, down to earth..did I ask alot?

I get back the feeling yesterday..have fun n of course really a bit down yesterday til a very big extreme..that I dun want 2 mention anymore..

I went to sentosa with dear..took cable car..the feeling is gd..took some pics at vivo n sentosa..rainy day wor..we went to pasta mania n have dinner..hhee..he treat me lunch so I treat him for dinner..:) been spending quite alot of money this week..have to save a little..
anyway life is to enjoy at times..I mean cannot be spendthrift but then sometime I want to enjoy life..a little..like drinking or having some food that I like..after all we work so hard..agree?

Right now we just see if we can stable our relationship after he ord..and I get other job n studied..this is a test for us..that this is a test..if we can get through..mm..more or less know we can settle down..soon..

Now I just wish to work hard and get a better job..career is impt..no career,other things we can lay aside lor..end here..

Just want to be alone..

I dunno ..I feel miserable ba..I feel unhappy although things r settled..Sorry D..I hurt u..wat I said also no use..nothing is fair in this world..u have to forget me..I know I have a bit feeling for u.I just dun dare to face it..I fear for the future..I feel that i dun suit u really..sorry being unfair..I am afraid I love u temp. or wat..is unfair to u..so I rather never start ba..sorry..I really dunno how to face u when I see u..I know wo zai hu ni..yet I stop myself from falling in..haiz..why? love is so complicated..

I just cant overcome this..it making me collasping..maybe u guys will say I stupid n silly..my mind n body really tired..give me a break can? I know dear u r beside me..sometime I also need to take a break..know u understand n wont disturb me..I just want 2 be alone now..I really dun feel happy this two months..D u think is ur fault..is not.dun blame urself..if u didnt ask..others may ask..still the same.. I just hope u can find ur ideal gal.and settle down..u r not young le..

End here..may god bless u..I believe he will..wish u happiness..