I went to catch movie with the rest..avatar is nicer than sherlock holmes..nevertheless abit tired..last day and just finish my work and hand over..after that had my own lunch and then off to catch movie at ps then cathay for the 2nd movie..well I fell asleep while watching sherlock holmes..avatar was good..nice..that marks my last day of 2009..right now catching countdown at home..this year abit different..not going anywhere to count down

End here

I thought I dun feel that I will miss u but I still did..I didnt talk to u for 4 days...break record..normally will talk..either 2 tired or busy with stuff etc..both of us never talk much..

I dunno why u suddenly ask me wat will I be doing tml..u have plans? after I tell u I am going for movie, u didnt reply..I also reply late coz was doing stuff and away for meal..thx God that there is lunch provided this few days due to teachers' workshop..tml will be my last day of work..and soon I am growing old again..thx in advance for the birthday treats..I will give it back next time..

As I wanna chat, everyone seem to log off..I am feeling so..not sure how to describe..I dun wanna say much either..who will understand..I don't want to disturb u too..

Mixed feeling..last day & I guess I wont miss the place but rather some people..time flies and it marked the end of my 2009 as well..way to go for next year..gonnna meet the rest for movies after work..avatar & sherlocks holmes..marathon hhaa..

End here

3 more days..

Nothing much to do today and I am not sure why I feel so sian plus moody..perhaps life is really too free now..I was reflecting back, 2009 doesnt seem to be a happy year for me though it was fruitful..rather stressful too..nevertheless I will move on and finished the job for the next few days..end it nicely.. :)

I did a bit of work today..yesterday went church and then have lunch n went back home to sleep.I was really tired, dun feel like going anywhere..sorry guys I disappoint u all..broke liao also..I will be thrifty abit..til I get my pay..I plan to slp earlier tonight..too tired..just met up with dear to have dinner before he did his duty..

End here..

Yeah back from bbq around 1am..I should slp but I just want to blog first..I need to wake up around 6 plus..its alright, I am gonna wake up at 6.30 but I dun care..just have to cancel the k session.sorry guys I really need to save up so I back out..super broke liao..still have to pay Lee Ping the bbq money..yup we went to pasir ris park, hard to find..I got lost and cant get any of them til I reach li ping then manage to find after asking pple..latin dance group gathering but very few of us and Casey just come to see us..not sure why he seem abit sad..I went back first as I need to go church later..thx them for inviting
It's good to catch up but my mood sian sian now..cannot slp n either feel touched or think 2 much, tears just wanna fall just now..I wish I can cry..I will feel better..I know God is around, is ok..is just gonna start a new path of my life..I know I can move on..I need more strength

End here

Xmas!

Yes it's xmas again..I reached home at about 2am..Thx Ivy for sending me back. We went to one of our church brother Philip's house for the xmas party..they cooked food themselves, my fav chocolate fondue, noodle, turkey, salad etc and have nice drinks..vodka, red wine , martini etc..
sound like a pub? yup..I didnt eat much but drank some wine and apple martini.I didnt get drunk but rather tired..been out for the whole day..went for xmas service followed by lunch at street seah deli cafe.food was rather expensive..organiser la..is alright,a new place to explore..spent alot for xmas..I went to cousin's house to take a rest b4 heading down for the party..received presents..Thx everyone..look like I should get something next year..I just give card n chocolates..we play gift exchange & 1 min of Thxgiving towards God..we say xmas songs too..for the 12 days of xmas, it was tiring singing it as ladies sang the even no. part and guys the odd no.while we sang, we need to stand up when it is our turn, so we are like sitting n standing lots of times..hahaha..as for gift exchange, music is on while we pass the present around, once the music stop, the gift that is on our hand will be ours..

update abt xmas eve..bored..half day at work and then have a xmas party lunch..eat turkey, sushi,logcake etc..gift exchange..just pick up own gift at the xmas tree..met up with J for dinner at suntec..acc him 2 get gift for kids..then had dinner at MOF..went fountain of wealth a while and he went off to meet his friends..well at first he thought of asking me to join his friends whom I dunno for dinner..I dun wish to..so end up shop around and went to feel the xmas mood at orchard..so crowded and I dun even have the mood..the whole day simply sucks..luckily cq is hosting..rather happy though..

I guess I should slp now as I am really tired..gonna go for bbq later..shall update again..end here

I miss u again..wondering is it becoz I have a lot of time? I know it is not..I just can't help it..yet I cannot tell u and I dun wanna tell anyone too..I still feel that both of us still feel the same and we are just suppressing it..I dun care if u find me fan..I just act as normal..at times we still contact and share news..what I know is my plan for next year is to focus on getting my career..and whatever I wanna and most likely not engage in relationship..perhaps we think 2 far n 2 much that why it is like that..can't be helped when the feeling comes..why I am still hanging on to the hope as u might really have no feel just that u wanna see if u have that feel and u told me u dun have..that why u r so cold towards me now?? I shall leave it to next year and see how things go..sometime is better to find some1 who love u more that u love him..maybe the person that I thought doesnt turn out to be the one..

KNow why am I thinking so much, pretty relaxed at work and I really help a little here n there..giving me room to do my stuff and think alot..

End here,gonna do other stuff..

Today work as usual and meet up with Jee Niang & Jon for dinner at liang court thai resturant.JN treated us..thx u wor..it was a buffet..food ok la..yeah ate gelato ice cream which I didnt have for so long..rock melon..but so so..I felt so bloated now..

After all we still plan our xmas eve..I thought we wont..he called me while i was in the train..yes timing 2 accurate.hhaa.I guess I wont be joining the mountbatten group party..see how it goes..he is always busy one..let me rest til xmas eve..yeah gonna enjoy home cooked food tml..I love 汤圆。。I am gonna eat tml..can't wait for xmas!

I wanna slp already..my hair should be quite dry..end here

Today was rather fruitful..join in the xmas carolling..we went to blocks near church and go door to door to sing songs for them and we even approached the void deck and sang to the uncles who were playing chess etc..they are rather happy..they enjoyed the songs..

Its good to see u and hear u calling out to me..I sense the distance..we are so near yet so far.I dun wanna go n approach u, for fear I disturb u or u dun wanna talk to me..the feeling is bad..I miss u though I see u today..no time n chance to talk to u..
so tired after the carolling..he went to bed already as he told me will have a long day..I will have half a day outside..picnic wor with the rest..upcoming programs..great! keep myself busy..will I really go for mountbatten xmas party? waiting for his info to meet up..also the xmas eve..we didnt plan to make reservation yet? I guess we can discuss next week ba..abit bo chap hor..too many things ba..

End here..i wanna go n read n sleep

Yeah I am back after meeting with Grace mei just now and Christina told me that our exams result status is out..I am excited and now I feel touched..I passed..yet to get the slip but we get to know the status..Thx God..I feel like crying..I felt relieved

I met mei just now at bugis to have meal n walk walk n we chit chat..not bad..we can click though..then walk to esplanade park to sit down n chat..yesterday was Brother's birthday, went to punggol seafood restaurant to have dinner..there was kind of a small arcade place..end up we went to play..Mummy also play hehe..it was fun though it was a simple dinner. I felt happy this two days though gloomy at work coz very sian..

Father, thx u..that's the best gift I had for xmas! no words can describe how I feel now

end here..

Sickening..

It's really sickening..I am so sleepy now after lunch..how I wish I dun have to worry and think about anything which related to it..pls spare me..I dun wanna to think nor wanna face it..just let me forget about it and plan for next year..it's more impt to have a career..maybe you might think I am a coward.yup..I don't know how to face or solve it..what can I do? somethings are just not within my control and I am tired of guessing wat the person is thinking..is not easy to guess..

A simple issue become a complicated one..is really irritating that I don't wish to open up anymore..people will not understand how I feel and think that I ponder too much..sit in my shoes so that u can feel it? God u know me..only you know..what should I do now? I need some guidance..is going no where..the more I try to run away the closer it gets..I am tired..I dun wanna feel sad or what..I just want to be myself..the happy me..

End here

Not sure why I have so much to blog about and perhaps I dun wish to tell anyone anymore so I blog..I miss u..I know I dun miss him as much as I miss u..I guess I know the reason..I dun like him..the person I like is u..just that I am thankful he acc me that day..I wish the person is u instead of him..he is not a replacement as u cannot be replaced..

I realise when I fall sick, I miss u even more but I know u won't be there..I wish to hear your voice..I guess u accidentally call me or wat..saw a quick miss call..He didn't ask if I am alright today,what can I ask for when he is not my bf..I just wanna know how he will react..why am I hanging on to the hope after what he said..I go with my heart and it tells me that, you have feeling just that it is the wrong timing..hopefully my sixth sense is'nt wrong..I never feel this way for so long..the feeling is bad if it is only one sided..sometime guys can hide feeling very well..how I wish u can say u can't stay away from me anymore..we ain't staying away totally, just that I can't find any reason to call u at times, so I rather dun disturb u..he only ask me if I have any news for exams..I really like u..much more than I think..how I wish I can know, whether do u like me b4 but I dun dare to ask just like I ask T..

somehow dun really wanna watch tv..I am gonna slp earlier tonight as well..will shower later after watching the 三菜一汤2..carry on with my storybook..I wanna read on and finished the 3rd book & the fourth book and start on other books or drama..not very into drama now..I just wanna read my books first..

End here

On Mc..

I am on mc today..yes I am sick..keep going to the loo since past few days..I suspect is the ayam penyet that I have taken..not too sure as I had different kind of food everyday..lol start to party? perhaps my body cannot take it?..T still can ask me I am sick is it becoz of Ji? lol..anyway I just told Ji yesterday that I was sick even b4 xmas and he tell me better take good care..at that point of time, I feel that I wanna him to be around but I know I can't express it out..I am trying to test his reaction..I just wanna some1 to comfort me..that some1 is him.I thought that was all til he called me and asked if I am alright..telling me to drink more water..I guess it is normal to call friend if they r sick..so I dun wanna think so much, at least he cares..I told T that I wanna some1 to sayang me..I was feeling low last night coz I dun feel good..

mm..I am really addicted to twilight..I read the first book and reading the new moon now..I went to catch the twilight movie online so as to know what is happening in new moon movie which I have catched..it makes more sense..the new moon ticket was won by Jie and she invited me if not I wont catch it..I am so in love with Edward Cullen..He is so perfect..that's what a fiction story is..the author wrote great books..she makes Edward so perfect..even Edward's sis Alice was great..perhaps Jacob was alright too..Edward & Bella's love was so ....is hard to describe..we won't be able to see in real life..no man can be so perfect and more over he is not human..

I think I have not plan anything for sec sch gathering..I guess I should rest and I plan after I recover..time to eat medicine and rest til I fall asleep.end here

I went out with church bro n sis to celebrate Jeremy, Ee wah & Yi hui's birthdays..7 of us went 2 catch movie..The princess & the frog..cute n funny cartoon..not too bad..prince was turned into the frog..end up causing the gal to turn into frog too after kissing..in the end they change back to human wor..after kissing..happy ending..

After that we head down to MSQ alica cafe? i guess I didnt spell wrongly to have meal..16 of us..wow..big group ar...J was there..I was surprised as I was thinking will he go and he did..if we r closer, maybe he will tell me he is going..

I am wondering do I sound the same when I admire M..haiz..I realise I like J alot..his reaction to me lately is very normal..I dunno..maybe he think I take things alright but not really..I think I better just remain as I am til I forget..just be who I am..it's not easy..it cannot be like story..Edward who is so perfect..it won't exist in real life..just dun regret will do..

Well I didn't manage to sleep alot..though I slept so late, end up waking up around 9 and I can't get to sleep much except for dozing off a while..does it really affect me so much? I know the ans myself..whatever I did this week, is more like occupying myself with things or is more like an obligation to do certain things..getting gift,write cards..I just dun have the mood..but I know xmas is coming, I need to do something about it..the feeling when I wrote them is really different from past..I used to be really excited..I wrote them yesterday,should say this morning..very early in the morning about 2am? my complexion is getting worse now and I dun really care as well..I know I need to cheer up..I will still eat but not as much as last time..just dun feel good & I will go to the loo..haiz..what is wrong with me?

I don't really like to be alone now unless I am at home at least I can use my notebook or read my books to keep myself occupied..I dun wanna have lots of space & free time to think about anything.sometime I find myself really isolate myself at home..staying in my room most of the time without talking..I just want to be alone..deep in my heart, I know I am not happy but there is nothing I can do to change anything..what I can do is make my life better..said is easier than done..I have to..I believe it will be a better week next week..things are pretty fine and I shouldn't worry as God is telling me to trust HIm..

End here..gonna meet the rest later for movie & dinner

I enjoyed myself last night..reached home rather late but he sent me back..not so bad..I went to orchard to get office xmas gift..it was so crowded..Mf was free so she came to meet me for dinner and shop..It's good to as I dun wish to be alone though initally I wanted to go there alone..so that I can slowly shop..shopping therapy helps..then I catch up with him since he was outside after attending wedding dinner..I didnt see him for quite some time..chit chat & acc each other til about 3am.. :) u r so sweet & charming in my eyes..dun make me fall in love with u hahaha..well is alright..
everything is like a dream but he seem to take away my emoness..accing me and doting me yesterday..thx u darling!

I shall end here..gonna have lunch and going church soon..

I am feeling better today..we are just like normal..good..slacking away again..did a bit of work..the rest have gd life as they took half day leave to have lunch buffet and then shopping..of course they won't ask us to go :P I wanna play wii games again

yeah tml is fri..anyway I didnt go anywhere this week yet except for lunch..I dun feel like going out..just want to get home and rest..so guai ar hehehe..

I am wondered is he like R..be nice to me becoz he wanna a favour from me..He talk to me more and wanna borrow textbooks from me..is that becoz of that, he try to talk to me? if that is the case, is quite sad..I will be disappointed..maybe I think 2 much coz he is impt..

I wanna go n practise keyboard and relax..feeing a bit sleepy after dinner..lol

End here

Somehow though is an emo day.God surprised me again..with job opportunity and my medicine is here again..him lor..he called me..telling me he getting his phone..good lor..and his phone went low batt..funny..low batt then call me..we didnt talk for quite a few days..not sure what is he up to..just wanna talk ba..let him contact me again when he got his phone..

I wanna see the phone..really hope tml will be a better day! dun wanna to feel so bored..end here

I am slacking once again..just dun feel like doing anything..all I wanna to do is to sleep now..just feel restless and cramp..thx God I felt better after shower..just that I need my sleep..

I just had mango flavoured xmas logcake..yummy..it's not very sweet,just nice.. :) I love it..

I shall have a gd rest tonight..I guess slowly I can dun mind or forget about u? if we still remember each other, then is ok..leave to God..I am trying and I know I am still thinking of u..not as much as I divert my attention to other area

End here..

Father..I wonder did I do the right thing to clarify my doubts and heard things that I dun like to hear..is that the truth? lot of loopholes..is it because you dun dare to face it? I feel hurt..I feel that you r contradicting about what u say..is alright..let it be as it is..time will fade it..dun regret! what meant to be meant to be..I hope u dun bother about me at all..u just study hard! u r an obedient child..let it slip away..is not worth it to hold on..is fragile..it will easily be faded away trust me..是经不起考验吧！我的头好痛啊！

End here!

Enjoyable sunday!

yeah I am tired now however I enjoyed the day..I am so full now..just had homecooked food..:) I went to catch movie with HL & Yamashita-san..We catched 2012 at PS..it was quite a nice movie..Somehow feel that rather sad when I see pple saying farewell..telling parents that they love them etc..my tears just flow.. yup I am very easily emotional..it flows for 3 times..you can see the disaster that the world is wiped out however certain parts are not..President scarifice himself etc in the movie..some of them still manage to survive..wonderful..

We went to explore orchard central mall as well..not bad..I know there is another shopping centre but too crowded..we shall go and explore next time..
I get wet in the rain..the feeling is so shiok..I guess I can be happier..I guess I will be..somehow he is still in my mind..cannot be helped..is alright..like I say what meant to be will be meant to be..if he is the one..everything will be worth while to do what we should do now..to focus on our career/studies..

I shall end here..watch charity show

I never feel this way for so long..it has come back..I am sad..I dun wanna say why..and I dun wanna let u know either..the coldness..we might drift far away.leave it to fate..I know I should trust the Lord..

End here

TGIF!

Yeah is fri..thx God for the doubts cleared..He sms me already..hahah find it weird..You think too much..anyway I know how you feel and watever u decided is what I thought of too.It's good that you think carefully which means you are serious about it and you think in a sensible way..I guess you misunderstood how I feel..which means you dunno me well enough.. :P focus on things tat we should do instead..Leave the rest to God..take things slowly..

yeah I focus on my twilight hehe and treat u as per normal..
well Jon came to sch today and then did some work.end up we chat while I do filing n play wii games together after I finished my filing :P really great to rest for 1 hr plus and we head to central together..we walked there instead of taking bus..haha..I dunno how to say, he is a nice colleague to talk to..we can talk alot..unlike with Ji..which makes me wonder,maybe my right guy hasn't come..not sure..is alright to make more friends :) not rushing into it..what meant to be will be meant to be..I shall not worry about it as God is around :) there is nothing between us..we have common interest..we will hang out together during sch time and pple might misunderstood as hhaa..I dun care..friends what..simply click..

anyway thx Jo for listening and advising me last night..

I shall end here and talk to HL later..discuss about our group movie date :p

Some updates..yeah finally got the books I want at popular..I can't find it at bishan outlet so went to my area to find..I manage to find it..$59.06 for the full set after discount..about 14 bucks for one book..so worth it..I hope I will really like it..I always find it weird when I dun catch part 1 of movie and I jump to part 2..I am gonna catch twilight saga first 1 to get the picture.Edward so cool..Jacob so young n handsome..I shall focus and glue myself to storybooks and dun care about anything..

I am suppose to be happy right? but why do I feel unhappy..weird..I rather I dun like then..is so hard to be happy..I try to act cool..I try to avoid though I know I wanna go and find u just now since I am around that area..haiz..what the crap am I doing? I am frustrated at the way I react towards u..is only u..we doesnt seem to be able to talk much..

End here..

Everything seem to be like a dream..drifting drifting..I might be wrong..I sense that there is a distance and it seems to tell me time to move on and stop dreaming! stop putting in too much hope..let it be!there are more things out there to worry about..I didn't expect the dream to end so fast..maybe I am sensitive.
seriously too bored at work..the coldness..the loneliness while doing filing alone is causing me to think and wonder..is it cause of work? it's bringing us no way..maybe it doesn't meant to be.I feel like giving up since it is still controllable and easier to get out..I need God's guidance in terms of work and everything..Father pls guide me!

I go and do my work..end here

Bored Tue

Bored tue..I did only filing..well the more I do the more sleeper I get. I will try to sleep earlier.pimples coming out again..sigh..I was rather moody today..u must be so busy n tired this two days.jia yoU!

mm..I went with Elaine Jie to catch the twilight new moon yesterday at lido shaw house as she won the ticket. free seating..not bad..I like the Jacob, werewolf..handsome..Edward the vampire is cool..Isbella is pretty..I am addicted to it and I wanna read the storybooks ..consider whether to get the full set since it is cheaper..20% discount wor..actually I didnt watch the first twilight lol..that why I wanna find out how Edward know bella

Shall end here..hopefully tml will be a gd day