Today went to Tampines..Grandma there..there is fried bee hoon n abit of curry..weather so hot..just feel very hot there..didnt meet vin today ..he went to Alicia's house to do project then went Sp for the sadam..dunno how to spell..heard have our schmate taking part in it..
I know i miss him..LS le..sian..then i do feel mood swing.so abit unhappy with him..coz msg him never reply de..dunno lah wat he doing..til later a bit he reply.thought he forget me le..

He msg me asking me have i eaten when i was on the way home..then 10 like tt..he called me when the thing ends..but i dun feel like picking up his call..but in the end also pick up..
but dun feel like talking..talk abit ..he asked i ans..sian..tired sia..feel like sleeping..mood swing affect my mood double..sian..
i know small thing i shouldnt mind..why i am like tt? angry coz of tt? unreasonable leh..i feel it..
but maybe i Ls so need him..then he not there..i feel sian ba..tt why..cant be helped when i feel tt way..must be understanding de..
I dunno lah ..right now so tired.i go sleep le..

Today sian..mood swing..make me kind of moody..coz of MF ba..today have a talk we attend..sian.then have reception we go canteen eat instead of eating the buffet..so crowded..
then went to find Mrs Quek..coz Mf want to change seat..she dun want to sit with S..who wants anyway..then she will be seated at jufri tt table lor..aiya everyone cant stand her lor..surely get angry de..she dunno situation like when to call pple..when not to.
dunno her..if she joins my group for project i also wonder how i can tolerate lor..but maybe wont shout at her..just get fed up only..then i complain to vin how i feel..i cant tahan..coz mrs yeo survey duno who say til she so bad..all disagree ..then i suspect tt 3 gals..but heard is not how i know..then is andrew ..one of them.how can it be..it is lor..
haiz..cant interfere with stuff u see..sometime dun get involved best..
i know i throw temper or wat..bad to vin..not his fault..but sometime really lor..i cant tahan not i want to scold him..i feel scolding teacher is a no no..even if teachers r at fault..after all they r elder..and they r teachers..should respect them..vin disagree..then i dun want say further end up no point wat..later agrue..
ok lah end here..wait for supper..dad buy supper hhee..

Today we have HRA Ca..i didnt study much.i know i am lazy..so sian same old units..i guess i will pass de but wont do well only..haiz..
well 8 plus never see Mr Teo..then Mrs Lee relief..and things happen from there..
MF was scolded by S.. in front of the class u see..then MF cried of course..Hazel cant tahan..go n tell her not to scold her ..and let her study lst coz there is CA..she dun listen and tell Hazel to go away..Hazel was angry coz it not only affect her ..it affects the whole class u see..haiz..i dunno..I cant interfere..well we know how others feel ..sometime she can make u real angry de..Mf..haiz..but also not scold her in front of the class..that wat i think.
and yesterday read abt hui's blog then know how she feels..same problem. coz parent disapprove of the relationship then they break up..poor her..i understand how she feels..i experience b4.but i feel helpless that i cant help her..tt time i also cry alot..yesterday vin ask me if I know how he feel ma tt time..he says got scar..still there in his heart..i know..then i ask him wat he wants he says nothing..he wants me to be happy when he is not around..well..make me abit scare..yesterday feel like crying..maybe i too stress.i think too much ba..
Maybe just let nature takes its course ba..
Nowaday often blog in class..nothing to do wat..project done can relax abit..CA just finish too..wow finally can relax a while..maybe can make some notes for HRA.
ok end here..

Stress....

Today in the class haiz..feel stress up..tired also..tml have HRA CA then fri need to finish the ent..haiz..
my mood very wat lor..then some of our classmates present the projects ..theirs very nice.. then make me feel tt mine is lousy..anyway lucky that YH helps me to do abit..if not i can die..haiz..
if can i want to cry sia..so i can feel less stress..i making myself so tense up sia..
is not gd..just hope i can cope well..dunno wat to write also..
just feel like blogging..hhaaa now vin presenting his project..careless sia opportunties spell short of a letter "P"..hhaa
ah..feeling hungry now..haiz..so fast hungry.later have SW how leh..
wow very cold in the lab..haiz..
Vin's presentation gd..interesting.. :) he put in alot of effort..i know de..so mine lousy haiz.so little content..tt wat i feel..
Today must go home study for CA..haiz..

Wow sch com really slow..that i have to wait for so long to get in..well right now i having ent lesson..nothing to do..feel like sleeping..haiz..today is fine..he is back to sch le..mm..but leh..why in the morning i seem not happy.i dunno why..haiz..
Mrs Quek give us May 2002 paper to do.I didnt study so not really know how to do..anyway just try out the paper lor..alright lah..thur we having Ca le..wow this two days better no project to do..i feel more relaxed..sometime mum will still nag..today i dunno..haiz..get used liao..same old thing..but at least never threaten..just let her say..i do my stuff lor..
later still have Kds lesson haiz..tired leh..later go home rest ba..
ok I end here..tired sia..dunno wat to write le..sian..
hee anyway hee someone sitting beside me disturbing me leh..vin lah..hhaa hazel upstair self access room do work.then he sit beside me ..hhaa ok lah end here

wat a day!!

Today..sch day..wake up ..i recieve Vin's msg that he is sick so he wont be coming to sch..mm..poor dear not feeling well..my mood no gd..in class is like sudden lack of something..dun have his voice..and his presence..abit dun get used lor..i know i lovesick..want to see him..but later go home late n tt sch end late..i cant go n find him..well..and also i am tired..hhaa maybe my turn to fall sick..of course i hope i wont..hhaa..
if not he xin tong wor..he says he has headache ..gan mao lah..feel relief that he sees a doctor..during lunch time i did call him..i guess i will ask him tonight how is he..
seem like i msg him he wont reply ..is it he didnt on hP? or no batt? i dunno..waste my msg hhaa.. just hope he is well tml..never see him for two days i cant tahan..i know i worry..but i cant see him..right now i in class..just want to know he is fine i be glad..

Today can sleep soundly no drilling sound like yesterday..right now i feel sleepy but blog lst n study a bit more b4 i sleep..well today quite ok occupied with stuff..watch tv..study lor for mock Ca tml..actually not really study alot..coz i dun like to study. tt.but have to study..memorise is kind of bored..so afternoon i want to study but watch I do I do lst then when i want to study i feel sleepy.. just dun feel like studying..coz kind of long chapters ..4 units to study..actually study b4 le..just recall lor..

mm..yesterday went to vin's house..have a nice day with him.in his arms..i feel so gd..tears run down my cheeks..is a kind of feeling i wont want to forget..i dun want leave u again..is hurting..i cant take it.. coz i love u..maybe happy so i cry..
.i feel happy..but ..this few days..either he tired or busy with stuff..never chat much online..but lucky i see him yesterday ..if not i feel very sian one..actually i feel it le..i know i cant blame him..so i never say anything. longer to chat with him..for the past few days ..i cant..either he watch tv or he sleeps..haiz.. did he realise he neglected me? cant be helped i know..tired cant control..
but i still feel sian ba..is natural wat..is a daily routine lor..i did tell him like a few days never chat with him..he says busy..
i duno..i feel he getting more busier sia..wat is he up to..like so busy..may holiday also cant acc me coz IAP start earlier..wat the..then ar..next week..mon onwards he got to work..so busy..
i know i cant blame him for tt..but which gf like this..dun like also keep quiet..coz he working..not playing..but often he works til neglect me or do project til neglect me..wat to do..
like that lor..then wat? angry? tt not the way..get used liao..just tolerate..see how long i can tolerate before i get angry..hhaa..
wow tired..end here..

Today..weather hot..mm..ent i did project..then YH was noisy ..i ask her she very free ar hhaa..indeed leh..she seems so free..while we are busy..i concentrating on my work..
mm..me n dear fine ..but i still worry why when he is with me he seems so sian..he told me he is tired..indeed ? i guess so..he holds me tight today..i know how he feels..he dun want me to slip from his hands again.. :) i know de.. i love him..i wont want to let go..unless he dun love me le..which he says he wont..who knows..but now i just let nature takes its course..
but i can imagine if he is the last guy tt i date with n get married..i will feel the happiness with him by my side everyday..do hope we can..i dun want to break his heart and also dun want myself to cry again..

I hope sat i can control myself..i scare i cry ..but surely cause happy so i cry..i just wish to hold him tight perhaps.so long never hold..he says he wont cry..hhaa i shall see..i think i dun trust him enough..must give him trust..trust is impt..but i dunno why sometime i doubt him..haiz.
tml have test.. but i study abit only..is such a long unit..kind of bored..later go study abit more perhaps..

mm..got to know the IAP i go to novena national skin centre to work..yeah...near my house..haiz..but bad news..is vincent will have attachment for 1 mth..so no holiday for him..haiz..cant go out with him..i disappointed..sentosa trip gone..sian..i wait n wait..tt time say is wishes..now also cant fufil leh..wat to do..sat he may work or no work he rest..we have no time for one another during holiday..haiz..
ok lah end here..

Today..i get angry again..kind of unhappy with YH..mm..dunno why this few days i get angry coz of her..all bcoz of her..maybe i petty lah..but not just me unhappy abt her ..bro they all also..we cant tahan her..sia..haiz..she huh..i dunno wat to say..then today i saw Wati put hand on vin's shoulder..i kind of mind ..surely mind..abit jealous..hhaa is normal..to others they may think i narrow minded? i dun care..coz i love him of course i care wat..is like she dunno meh pple 's gf in class..don't be overboard..i dun say anything doesnt mean i dun mind..just that maybe small matter i just close one eye..dun quarrel with classmate or wat lor..later hurt our class relationship ..i just hate pple call my dear names..is like after all he is a guy..human..he needs respect lor..
then i hear them call ar.i feel am i coward? just keep quiet..maybe small things ba..like tt lor..

We had farewell party today for social dance club..have pizza , spahetti..(dunno how to spell) :P, sandwich..kfc chicken..coleslaw ..drinks..seniors do enjoy..and we have fun..take pics etc.
Gilyn eyes abit watery..she hold back her tears..if not she cry le..hhaha..well she cry later i cry also.emotional..
well six plus then we left..
mm..dunno leh..i feel stress perhaps..or worry abt certain things..maybe i dun trust him?
is not a matter of trust or wat..maybe dun feel secure..duno wat he up to lately..so guai go home early after sch. say do project.then sudden go out de..say buy things..dunno really ma..i know i shouldnt doubt..him til this stage..
maybe break off patch back..i scare his love may change somehow..like..he really will love me ar..coz everyday say mushy words..really mean it? or perhaps say for fun? i know is unfair to him..i just feel he want a gf is it for him to hug only or wat?
why i think like tt..haiz..i scare ba..guys can say he love u n is play with u..until we are very very stable i will believe him alot? maybe i doubt him..just that i dun want to say..bgr should have trust..i know..but wat he do make me suspicious..like really he did do his work or wat..he sudden so guai..say want go home earlier do project..
who knows..he has another gf i also dunno..not tt he has..but really wat..some things can hide de..i will try ba..must have trust..
maybe dun think too much..end here..

Today i think i better..coz i am occupied..mm..wake up today..then change bedsheet..read newspaper..bath n had lunch i went out..meet kai ling to go tp central..
I went to pay hp bills..i know i miss lu..a little..
now is alot ba.. just now he not online..dunno where is he..still outside maybe? haiz..always go home so late..well..love sick i guess..then maybe just patch back not long..i scare i lose him..
got fear..not that only he has..i have my fear too..now i also dunno how i feeling.like cant tahan..i think very lovesick....how come leh..

i just feel he changed..like wont miss me so much perhaps..and dun care for me so much perhaps..like i told him my teeth gum pain.he tells me drink more liang suai..then eat lesser heaty food..then will be ok soon..just like tt..like very normal lor..haiz..something is wrong..
i just feel not the same..maybe i think too much?? now nothing to do ..my imagination went wild? maybe lor..haiz..just dunno lah..
i want to find back tt feeling..i think slowly i found le..i miss him as much as last time..
i love him ..the same..never change..dunno wat abt him..
he needs more time perhaps..we will find back tt feeling de .. i guess..
now i blog i feel better.. :)
maybe just dun think so much..end here..i watching tv..nkf..repeat..
last week didnt watched

Patching back with vin i thought i be happy.i am..and i dunno that actually he is scare..i also..coz break up b4 ..scare it happens again..vin ask me..if he dun love me as much as b4 will i blame him? i believe he thinks alot when he wants to patch with me..he scares u see..so he ask me will respect his decision right? if tt time cant patch i be sad..wat to do..in the lst place i hurt him..

he knows i be sad..so is he patching back coz of me? scare i sad? if like tt then is responsibility..
like he says he acc me tml..coz he want to fufil my wishes and coz he love me so much..is his duty to dote me..sound like zhe ren..make me sad...really..
so fast he dun love me as much as last time..cant blame him..who will dare put in 100% de..later hurt again how..

I understand de..wat we can do is get back tt feeling n overcome our fear..back a few days only..will try..kind of not the same..i juz feel lack of something..maybe cant feel sense of secure..
tired dun want write further i want sleep..tml test..

We are back together le..mm..alot of things lah..he msg etc..right now i want to sleep liao.maybe write more abt it tml..well we patch on 10 april..yeah..i can sleep well..so happy..dun want to be sad again..i cherish him..he told me on msn..he still love me like b4..want to patch up with me..dun want me to leave him le..if not he sure sad..i glad we are back together..with no objection with mum..she dun care le..

i know lah i must know my limit..cannot overboard..learn one time le..should know.. :) k got to sleep..late liao..talk so long with him..also cant finish talking de..hhee tired sia..want sleep

Today..wake up..so noisy..drilling sound..make me tired..i sleep at 2 leh yesterday..still miss him so much..then cry a little..maybe moody also lah..coz u know de lah..then msg him..i better le..just wont pester him or wat..just talk to him like frenz..i be happy le..never talk make me sad..
maybe really lah i never let go..i never step out at all..now he is trying to avoid ba.. i facing it..but still love him although we break le..like Hazel says..there is lots of hidden true feeling between us ever since we break up..maybe ba..

If we were to come back together again.wow surely very strong de this love..much more stable than b4 i know for sure..then sure more caring n lovely than b4..shall see..we still frenzs..this kind of thing hard to say..but so fast..he change friendster status liao n take out pics liao..
he really face reality le..haiz..my fault..cant turn back..end here ba

Today sian sian..coz maybe i get over it but still miss him..yesterday kind of fed up then today i know i want to talk to him de.end up dun talk to him...u think i feel ok? i feel worse lor..coz he seem really give up..ask him miss me ma..he says he miss his bed more..well but he say sure miss de..just hurt to see his hurt face..sometime willl look at him coz i still lovehim..yet hurt him..i ask him love me ma..he asks me wat is love..haiz.. he says love or dun love dun make any differences..haiz..make me feel hopeless..like this we happy ma? not at all..maybe feel lighter but i make him suffer lor..think so easy get over it meh..nope..
just dunno wat to say sometimes..

Now in class he even change seat le..guess dun want to see me also..rather sit with his frenz..haiz.not idun want talk to him..just that if everytime i go find him is weird..i dunno wat to do u see..
I feel better le..never cry le for this two days.but still cant get over it...i know he loves me de..just pretend only..get together a few mths i know him de...
guys always like that dun want to let gals share their burden de lor..coz they say as a guy cant let gals carry the burden lor..so they rather they suffer lor..
now so sian..in class doing nothing..Mrs Yeo not in..i still cant find the old me..it seems to disappear for now..he also lah no matter how he acts ..he still sad de.cant bluff me..he can lie to others but not himself lor..same class i have to face him everyday is so sad..sooner later everyone can feel there is problem between us..coz never eat together never talk never come together like so close..is kind of sian..

.i want to fight my happiness de but he like that i just feel like giving up..he lost his determination le..i just scare he become the old vin lor..i hope not..if not wat i do wasted..maybe i never say break we can still find solution..after all i am so selfish u see..always never spare a thought for someone..right now typing this..i have no feeling..just have alot of thoughts only..I love u Vincent! i now for now i still love u..so he cant stop me from loving him..
i think i stop here..nothing to write le..

Today feel better..never cry le..but i see him i feel sad..is like..u love him n he loves u..yet cant be close with him..so xin ku lor..a bit like last time we low profile..i have tt kind of feeling..
YH says that maybe not Vin dun want to patch..just that break so sudden..he needs time..well vin tells me le he needs time..wat he really means? yesterday conver..he can mention abt last time..
i thought he wont want think..he cant get over me..tt why see him so sad..but he still gd to me..got food still ask me want to eat ma..coz he told me b4 i cant stop him from loving me.hhaa i also tell him he cant stop me :P..mm..maybe we need time..he says not like break..is just separate a while..maybe will get back..i dunno..just feel who knows one party can get over it n one cant then cant patch le..tt wat i afraid of..actually if never break..one day we may break also..then maybe i rather i be the bad guy then hear it come out from him..
so i rather now suffer maybe..coz we not so long..longer the pain will be more..

say dun regret is bluff..but maybe do us good..i will take this time to think abt it..is a gd way of testing us..coz i agree vin says we not bf /gf ..is not the end..then want to patch so fast is a fast decision..later end up more hurt..maybe take a couple of mth ..then let him decide if we should patch back..i believe still have feeling de..not so easy fade..i dunno abt him..for me maybe ok lah.
but he loves so deep hhaa i am sure he wont stop loving me so fast..but sometime hard to say..
i be prepared lor..more over there are alot of guys out there..mm..maybe still early..have fate we can be together ..that why i think too..we still talk..but maybe wat i can hope for is to get back with him and dun have any problems occur so we can be together forever..ling tell me dun place too much hope..i know de..will try..right now just hope to get on with life..

If i can hug him..i think i will cry de..vin say dun want..later he hug le dun want let go..i rather like tt..instead of suffering..but end up parents angry also suffer..just that there are alot of regrets..but wat to do..like vin say over is over..let it be..but does he thinks like tt
i guess no de..just trying to get over it only..wound recovering..recover liao then see how..end here...

Today..still feel sad..yesterday blog siao siao..mm..i know i need him...but he just want to let go..so i be more happy..then i want to patch he dun want..wat can i say..same problem will occur..he ask me be brave like so easy..i try..then he like want to give up..say over liao over liao..let it be..so easy meh?kind of not happy..why he can say tt..make me fed up..i dun want bother..after all i hurt him de..wat can i say..give up lor
i want eat dinner le..maybe continue writing later or wat..

anyway think abt it..i straighten my thoughts already..should be ok..just scare of my eyes..dunno got any problem or not..maybe cry alot.spoil my eyes..hhaa..dun want think..
tired..i sleepy..

Today..i went to work at east point and white sand..sad..coz parents object to relationship..then today talk abt it..i let go le..sad..when at white sand is ok..then cry abit at mac..he wipe my tears..
I reach home bathe i cry..really cry..i realise i never been be so sad with a relationship b4..last time de i never shear a tear..maybe it is not so deep...

I dunno i just feel sad..i just want to cry..maybe can heal as time goes by..everyday see him wat to do.. i dunno ... just want to take a break..so we end today..which is abt 5 mths..less than tt..
every time my relationship cant last long..hurts me..i dun think i dare to try ba..
maybe no more confidence anymore..other pple happy..i need time..i am forced to do tt..i really sad..wat can i do..xin tong..

I told vin i ok..just to let him not worry..in fact i not ok..weep dunno how many times..later eyes swollen.. is gd lah problem solved..end here..